Bryan Martin: How to make the best American-style barbecue pork ribs for a party

As everyone knows, if you have an event coming up that requires feeding lots of people, there is but one place, possibly in the universe, where you'll have to head, a place where the physical constraints of space and time, as we know it, have no meaning.

So, unless you are in the vicinity of the galaxy known as MACS0647-JD, you must be in Costco. As a disclaimer, by mentioning this business, there is no financial or other gain by doing so. However, full disclosure, I did note that when I unpacked the truck I needed to cart the purchases home, there was a Spitzer Space Telescope I didn't recall buying buried under the 200-litre drum of mayonnaise for the coleslaw.

You need to be aware of this space-time continuum on entering Costco, because it is so easy to lose track of where you are and how long you've been away from your loved ones. In fact, they should put up warning signs that read, along with the hazards of lifting unusually heavy items into an abnormally large shopping trolley, "Warning, temporal distortions may occur. If you do pass a younger version of yourself, please refrain from freaking out and make your way, as fast as you can obviously, to the tachyon room. The management accepts no responsibility for multiple realities."

I'm here, well at least it's my superposition that I am here, to organise my daughter's 21st birthday celebrations. It's all a bit crazy to think that this child, our first, is grown and out there in her own slightly blurred reality. Twenty-one seems like such a young age now to be grown up. If we did exist in a multiverse and could go back in time to have it all again, you would be clinging to being 21 for as long as possible.

To cook for about 80 people, you need some serious planning and a theme. We are big on themed celebrations and over the years we have had many. There was the bespoke country-and-western theme to welcome my younger brother's fiancee into our weird world (we line-danced as she trying to escape) and the James Bond Casino Royale 40th shed party with roulette wheels, Vesper martinis and a cross-dressing nephew.

This party could have but one theme: Disney. It has sort of framed her life being born the year of The Lion King and then the boom in Disney and Pixar releases since. Clearly, given my introduction, I came as Buzz Lightyear of Star Command. I live by his immortal quote: "You are a sad, strange little man."

The challenge was to make Disneyland-like food, so we started off, before the procession of course, with nacho carnitas and spiced pumpkin hummus. You can never tell how much people will go through, so these were big bowls served with white corn tortillas. The only problem was I had bought four bags from Costco, and, as I say, size has no meaning inside this warehouse. What look like a reasonable size packets there turn out to be bags you could actually sleep in.

Next were buffalo chicken wings, cheese burgers and ribs for the main course at our Frontierland set-up around a fire-pit set. Costco must sell these pork spare ribs in huge quantities judging by the fact that the freezer contains the sides of 100 pigs at any given time. They are brilliant party-food items. I put half a dozen packs in my trolley and thought, "That doesn't look like much", so doubled it. It still didn't look as if there was enough to feed 80 people, but there must be more than 30 kilograms of pork ribs here.

The trick to good pork spare ribs is in the marinade. It needs to be sweet and spicy, sticky and preferably slightly smoky. These are American-style pork ribs, so they are cut down the ribs, as opposed to our way of cutting them across. It doesn't really matter, but eating them with the bone intact is so much easier. Most butchers will prepare them this way if you don't need a tonne of them from Costco.

Barbecue pork ribs

3kg pork spare ribs
oil
chipotle and molasses marinade (see below)

Cut the ribs into pairs, rub them with the marinade and marinate them for 24 to 36 hours. Scrape off any excess marinade and set aside. Heat a grill until it is hot, brush with oil and grill the ribs with the bone side up for 10 minutes. Turn over and cook the other side for about the same time. Once they are cooked through, brush them with reserved marinade and keep cooking to make a glazed surface of yumminess. Repeat this a few times on both sides until you are happy with the look. No need for any air and graces, just hook in.

Chipotle and molasses marinade

2 large chipotle chillies
1 onion, peeled and diced
4 cloves garlic, peeled and diced
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp ground coriander
½ tsp ground black pepper
1 cup molasses sugar or dark-brown sugar
¼ cup apple cider vinegar
¼ cup tomato sauce
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
oil
salt

Soak the chillies in warm water for a few hours until very soft, drain and chop them, but keep the soaking water. In a blender or mortar and pestle, grind the chillies with the onion, garlic and spices, along with a teaspoon of salt. In a heavy-based frying pan, heat a little oil and fry the spice paste for a few minutes to release until fragrant. Break the sugar up and mix with the vinegar and sauces and stir in the prepared spice paste. The marinade should look dark and brooding.

Bryan Martin is the winemaker at Clonakilla and Ravensworth.