When splitting the bill, be subtle rather than sorry
A couple we are getting to know are good company and we have eaten out together several times. However, they often order second bottles or dessert wine, which we barely touch (my wife and I drink sparingly and one of us is usually driving), but we always halve the bill. It is starting to add up. Any suggestions on how to approach this tactfully?
People who work in hospitality know there is a special table in hell reserved for customers who spend half an hour at closing time bickering over the bill. It's normal, when you're a student, to hold tense negotiations over who's coughing up for the beef vindaloo and who had only the dhal. But when you're a grown-up it can be a little, well, unseemly.
That said, I am not insensitive to the ''just a salad, thanks'' teetotallers among us; I understand it's unfair to burden them with the expense of wagyu beef and first-growth bordeaux. Although I am often the one at the table calling for more wine, I don't expect non-drinking or lighter-drinking friends to subsidise me. When dining in a group, I habitually contribute enough to cover my extra glass or glasses of wine; sometimes I buy a bottle to share with the table and pay for it separately.
The onus is really on the other couple to recognise and cover the extra cost of their wine choices. Let us give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they're not consciously exploiting you. Could it be they are having such an awesome time they're oblivious to the fact that you and your wife scarcely drink?
Next time you are out together and they suggest a second bottle, say something like: ''You go ahead but we won't. We've had enough for tonight.'' You don't need to come over all purse-lipped and disapproving. Just make it clear you don't plan to drink more. When the new bottle arrives, they might urge you to try some but you should decline. Then see what happens when the bill comes.
If they propose paying half each as usual, take the bill, peer at it, look perplexed and say it's more than you expected. Wonder aloud if there has been a mistake. Then say, ''Oh, I see, there's that second bottle of wine you guys had.''
Even if your friends are quite - ahem - refreshed, they should be able to see what you're getting at and insist on paying for it. If not, you might face an awkward and potentially friendship-ending discussion. It's that, or a future of BYO-only restaurants.