Dine and date: Valentine's Day on a budget

Saint Val's Day doesn't need to involve hotel beds covered in American Beauty levels of rose petals. Or smearing each other in chocolate to the I Dream of Jeannie theme song. Or nine-course degustations surrounded by other couples who would rather be at home in front of the telly. Here's a few cheaper alternatives that don't involve IOU coupons and Elton John mix tapes.

Picnic

A good rug won't make a picnic but a bad one will ruin it. Source a good rug. Preferably the size of a Hyde Park chess board and two-thumbs thick to protect from prying bindi-eyes.

In food and wine matters, the K-I-S-S rule applies. You don't want to be stuffing about with Tupperware containers and plastic forks. A light red is essential (remember to bring a corkscrew if needed and stemless glasses) as is crusty bread, quality ham and an oozy French cheese such as Fromager d'Affinois. Portuguese tarts or a mille-feuille from your favourite bakery would be a fine idea too.

Ferry cruise

The thrill might be lost if you're a daily commuter, but a river or harbour ferry ride can be a beaut romantic outing on the cheap - particularly if you jag a spot on deck for starlit snogging. For legal reasons we can't advise you to brown-bag a bottle of Beaujolais for the trip. Nope. Definitely not.

Beachside fish and chips

Waves crash. Gulls bicker. A storm looms and the wind moans with the song of a thousand ghouls. All the better, then, to be huddled together in cable-knit, smashing fish and chips with a bottle of riesling.

Of course, it might also be 42 degrees and blistering hot. No matter. Fish, chips, wine, sand and water is an excellent evening in any universe and weather.

Breakfast in bed

Ideally served on a tray with freshly squeezed juice and roses that aren't from a service station. Otherwise it's just another morning eating bacon sarnies hungover in your underwear.

If you have time to spare, then French toast between the sheets is a winner. Or maybe fruit salad with champagne granita. Or quinoa porridge with more brown sugar than a Stones tour. Whatever the case, brew some coffee and call the boss to let 'em know you're running late.

Oysters

Music. The food of love? Nonsense. Oysters, my dear Orsino, oysters.

Don't drop a dowry at a waterfront restaurant to get your Sydney rocks off, just head to a fish market for freshly shucked goodness. Most Australian fish markets have as much romance as a Coles car park so head home and consume your catch immediately. Preferably in bed with lemon, champagne and more champagne.