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Meatmaiden

Gemima Cody
Gemima Cody

Have a heart: Meatmaiden's saloon-like bar.
Have a heart: Meatmaiden's saloon-like bar.Patrick Scala

13/20

$$

Everyone take a seat. We're going to talk about macaroni. The durum wheat-based pasta has long been considered a food of the masses in America and the UK – a symbol of trailer park lyf. But back in the 1770s, the term macaroni was synonymous with all things fashion. Groups of young fops were regularly doing the Grand Tour of Europe, including Italy, and would come back raving about dried pasta (which, like, people hadn't heard of) to the point that they became collectively known as the macaronis. They were the pre-cursors to the dandies, and the pre-pre-cursors to today's hipsters. 

I bring these fun mac facts to your attention because at Meatmaiden, sister venue to Neil Hamblen's American barbecue hero Meatmother, your mac and cheese comes topped with lobster, and it's being hailed as a new dawn for the low-rent dish. Really though, this is just macaroni regaining its long-forgotten rep. 

Context changes everything, which is something I'm reminded of every time I walk into Meatmaiden. Unlike easy-breezy Meatmother where it's all about humble barbecue trays, here, chef Rick Day is serving brisket in a space that looks like a butcher-themed nightclub. Your pickles come embellished with whipped goat's curd and businessmen are buying six-score wagyu rib eyes for $96.

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Delightfully cheesy: Lobster mac and cheese.
Delightfully cheesy: Lobster mac and cheese.Patrick Scala

Meatmaiden feels more like a steakhouse with an American accent than a barbecue joint, geared towards a moneyed city clientele. You descend to the basement lair that once held Little Hunter via steel stairs and enter a room of buffed concrete, black cages, leather booths and illuminated meat cabinets.

Long story short: you're not in Kansas any more. If you're seeking a comfy dive where it not only feels OK but right to undo a few buttons once the meat sweats kick in, or, if you're a barbecue purist who believes brisket derives at least 50 percent of its tastiness from bluegrass, and beer-soaked surrounds, this isn't the joint you're looking for. 

Meatmaiden has other charms. The saloon-like bar could actually be a standalone entity. On a Friday night, this dark, wood-panelled corner is filled with young couples and beefy guys in tropical shirts ordering smoked old fashioneds, eating complimentary bowls of paprika crisps and listening to the Killers. Party down. 

Boozing food: The snapper burger is everything your beer wants in a pal.
Boozing food: The snapper burger is everything your beer wants in a pal.Patrick Scala
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A lot of attention has been paid to the craft beer offering. They're pouring great meat-friendly brews like the Mornington Brown, and the sinkable Founders All Day IPA with finer stuff in 750ml bottles like Brooklyn's Sorachi Ace for those willing to drop $50 (it's great beer, but that's quite a mark-up). They make a tidy rendition of New Orleans' classic sazerac too, and dutifully offer the rye whiskey-based cocktail with or without cognac – they know their stuff. I'm not sold on those smoked Old Fashioneds though. The liquor arrives sealed in a mason jar with a swirling cloud of smoke that makes the whiskey taste a little like a just-extinguished candle. 

There's a tendency to gild the lily here. I've never been able to get down with that pickle and goats curd side, for example. The carrots, radishes and cucumbers are pretty, but so acidic, while the curd creates a sour flavour clash. Likewise, the tequila mayo that comes with the crisp little fried chicken ribs has no agave signature.

The lobster mac and cheese is really the biggest win: pasta elbows floating in a cheesy, lobster-infused bisque with a lump of tail meat and shellfish oil imbuing it with eau de sea. Strangely, though, the quantity and quality of the lobster and breadcrumb crust has varied on each visit. Same goes for the beef short ribs, which on one visit hit the tender-smoky balance dead on. The next time, they're a little bland, and the outer meat is so well-cooked it has a jerky-like chew.

Day is working with some serious smoking equipment imported from the States, fuelled by red gum and cherry wood, but perhaps his skills lie more with a grill. Lamb ribs are smoked till they're crisp-skinned and fall off the bone, which I like, but most Texans would tell you is overdone. Either way, they also need seasoning. Pulled pork is OK, but it's wet rather than juicy, the meat fibrous. 

But chin up. There's plenty to like here. That space, when animated by a crowd is beautiful, dramatic. A grilled porterhouse is decent value at $29 and a juicy good time – no surprise from an ex-Point chef. I'd wrap mitts around the snapper burger again too: plump grilled fillets with shredded iceberg lettuce, capers and mayo in a light barely-there bun. It's everything your beer wants in a pal. See also the silky-centred devilled eggs with a salty bite of anchovy. Genius. 

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The question is, how does Meatmaiden stack up in the context of a market now flooded with barbecue? The answer? There's no room for slips in the city. The 'Maiden has charm, but she need to tighten screws before she earns the respect we have for the mother. 

THE LOW-DOWN
The best bit: 
Good booze and boozing food
The worst bit: The smoked meat needs extra love
Go to dish: Lobster mac and cheese, $22

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Gemima CodyGemima Cody is former chief restaurant critic for The Age and Good Food.

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