Mistelle

Remember that Pleasantville movie with Tobey Maguire and Reese Witherspoon? Where the siblings are trapped in a black-and-white telly show from the 1950s? A drink at Mistelle is being transported to that movie.

Save for a few splashes of colour thanks to cobalt-blue umbrellas and the pink stripes on bartenders' shirts, everything is black, white or grey, from the bistro chairs to the stark walls, to the Chanel Resort and Bally garb of its customers. It's a place that couldn't be more removed from the Golden Sheaf gronkfest it shares a wall with.

It's 9.30 on a Friday night and I'm the only male drinking here, with the exception of the world's cutest highland terrier sticking his tongue into a fresh puddle of rainwater. The Double Bay matrons around me are having the time of their lives and, by gum, why shouldn't they? The east Sydney suburb has long been in need of a place like Mistelle, where you can swing by late at night, grab a glass of wine, a slice of cheese and discuss what time to book Catalina the next day.

Alicia Wadsworth is at the helm and a press release tells me the wine lover is part of the Commanderie de Bordeaux, a group of Bordeaux boffins dedicated to promoting the region's vin outside of France. This goes someway to explaining why a 2009 Chateau Smith-Haut-Lafitte Blanc is sitting pretty on the list at $320.

There's a wealth of other beaut (and less pricey) French drops available and a healthy selection of Australian wine. A 1995 Marc Bredif Vouvray ($18/$85) is sweet and floral faceplant into the Loire Valley, while a 2014 Jamsheed La Menace Rouge ($13/$65) cabernet sauvignon is terrific value with big, uncensored berry flavours that can match it in the ring with the reddest of red meats.

And red meat is what you want from Mistelle's French and Mediterranean-inspired menu, especially when the Parisian bistro chairs demand oysters, tartare and steak frites. I order four Sydney rocks ($4 each) from the eager-to-please waitress – two from Tuross Head, two from Wagonga Inlet.

However, instead of sharp, fresh south coast oysters, four clammy bits of ogre snot are thwacked on the table. There's not one drop of brine in any of them and I cry not out of sadness, but in the hope my tears might provide the little guys with flavour.

The kitchen is out of steak tartare with quail egg yolk ($20) so I try for tranche of pork and pistachio terrine ($15) instead. Alas, all gone (it is kind of late) so a deli plate of assorted NSW salamis and cured pork loin instead it is. It's brilliant stuff, and I eat most of it while a fellow diner, who I'm pretty sure is Endora from Bewitched, looks on in disgust.

When the steak frites arrives, the oysters become a distant memory. The frites (which you have to order separately at $8 a bowl) are hand-cut in house and burst with a taste and crunch usually only found in beachside kiosk chips. The grass-fed sirloin ($30) could have done without the pre-slicing, but it still blushes rosy pink through a flood of cafe de Paris butter that the chips enjoy a frolic in, too.

To finish, the sherry, spirit and fortified selection is tightly curated affair and there's a pang of la petite mort when a vanilla-heavy 1996 Delord Bas Armagnac ($15) snifter comes to an end.

What Mistelle lacks in colour it makes up for in flashes of charm and joie de vivre​. For the most part, Wadsworth has put together a top little wine and food package that locals are going to flock to. Thanks for setting up shop, Mistelle. It doesn't matter if you're black-and-white.

THE LOWDOWN
Go for… a bistro experience in the Bay.
Stay for… cheese and port.
Drink… a red and delicious something from Bordeaux.
And… pop down on the weekend for a Parisian breakfast.