Soda bar

WOOOP! Wooop! Wooop! The beautiful people alarm is ringing loud and clear as I walk into the Soda Bar — which is fine with me; it certainly beats the ugly people alarm. Still, it's not every day you walk into a room and are rendered mute by the sheer physical perfection of the specimens before you. And to make things worse, they're all half your age. It's sad. Thank God I am in a bar.

RECENTLY RENOVATED, the Soda Bar is upstairs at the Golden Sheaf Hotel, whose imposing tile and brick facade has dominated Double Bay since the dawn of time. The pub is all about beers and footy and mates; the Soda Bar is a world apart, an archly stylish, vampy space, with low lighting, private alcoves and windows draped by black velveteen curtains, behind which David Lynch is probably lurking. It's a parlour, really, with jungle-print wallpaper, ottomans and lounges upholstered in silver velvet. I love this place. I want to live here and drink martinis for the rest of my life.

I START WITH a vanilla tequila manhattan, with 1800 Anejo (aged) tequila, vermouth and a fabulously mysterious Spanish liqueur called Licor 43. Cool and clean on the palate, the honey-coloured VTM is wonderfully pared back and yet full of flavour, the kind of no-fuss, minimalist, perfectly composed libation they will be serving on the international space station circa 2087.

Next comes a zulu ice tea. This is a far crazier drink, a wilder, looser marriage of Stolichnaya vodka, Plymouth gin, Havana rum and 1800 tequila, served in a tall glass with sparkling blood orange and a Grand Marnier float. With all those ingredients together in one glass it's a miracle the drink didn't explode — a tribute to the barman who, despite looking only nine years old, clearly knows what he's doing. Well, perhaps.

The next drink, the silver goose, is a twist on the margarita, with crushed pineapple, lemon and smacked mint (that is, smacked between the barman's palms), shaken with 1800 Silver tequila and Grey Goose vodka. Sounds good but it's not entirely successful; the surprisingly thin taste profile is overpowered by the salt flakes on the rim.

THUS PRIMED, I make my way downstairs to eat (tragically, the bar doesn't serve food). After the jazz-infused Soda Bar, the bistro is like a Mongol war tent, all beer and bellowing. It's a situation that calls for meat, so I bypass the Italian-style chicken soup and prawn spaghettini and go straight for the eye fillet of beef ($25). It is exceptional, meltingly tender, with a solid patty of crisped mushroom risotto, aioli and red onion jam. Here's to the Mongols!

 YOU’LL LOVE IT If vampy parlour bars with cool jazz and lots of space appeal.

YOU’LL HATE IT If you’re after pounding dance music.

GO FOR The zulu iced tea by the window overlooking New South Head Road.

IT WILL COST YOU Cocktails $16 to $16.50; wine $7.50 to $10 a glass, $30 to $38 a bottle.