Two Wrongs

There's this unmistakeable feeling that someone is filming you at Two Wrongs. Eating here, at what used to be Steer Bar and Grill but is now what they're calling a fine diving restaurant (uptown food, downtown dive), it feels like you're participating in contemporary art. You know, the kind of exhibition that features a ping-pong ball in a glass of water or a weeping Shia LaBeouf.

Consider the room: a plastic golden lobster tethered to the door; the DJ decks on shopping trolleys, all filled with empty cans. Your waiters are a band of brothers in beanies, ink and T-shirts  and when you arrive, a cool guy might offer you a "table for dos". If there isn't a camera behind the cherub paintings slashed with fluoro paint – and if the Bondi Hipsters aren't behind the camera – I'll eat the butter knife installation that spells out "fork this place".

You are supposed to think it's a joke. Behind Two Wrongs are Zachary Riggs and Isaac Constantine, two 20-somethings cashing in on the current trash-glam trend. But while venues like Hats and Tatts and Heartbreaker play the irony card lightly, juxtaposing serious drinks with low-rent surrounds, Two Wrongs nails hipster dining so well that you can't tell if they're geniuses or victims of their own joke.

Either way, everyone seems pretty stoked playing Nintendo in the lounge and drinking their cocktails wreathed in hickory smoke. And behind the LOLs, Two Wrongs is in possession of a legitimate chef.

Chef Paul Turner, last seen at Church Street Enoteca, has built a curious collection of zeitgeisty dishes all tricked out in the same trash-glam fashion as the room. Here's your small plate kicked with miso, there's your truffled popcorn crowning mac and cheese.

It's the pork doughnuts that have grabbed everyone's attention – the meat fiend's answer to the freakshake – and they are actually one of the better things on the menu. The casing is more bread than cake, and stuffed with shredded pork of adequate juiciness and a red pepper relish, all capped with diced pickle, it's basically a slider, fully sealed.

It's often the more left-field dishes that triumph. The bacon cappuccino is a sort-of thick chowder that tastes of the crisp bits that stick to the pan. Into this you drop a crispbread and compressed apple cubes for texture and contrast. Smart stuff if likely better in shot-sized serve.

Or there's the rich, fluffy and crunchy carb-power of tiny roast potatoes tucked under a blanket of thick potato foam, and a grating of cured egg yolk. Who knew so many carbs were permitted in South Yarra, let alone on one plate.

You mightn't run back as quickly for the wisp of crab on tapioca crisp, its tiny soul lost to the fryer and citrusy papaya. Or the beef tataki, all yuzu sting and oyster fishiness that might be from the jelly crowning the ruby strips of meat or the dust – the menu takes the ingredient, comma, ingredient form so it could be hiding anywhere.

Not everyone eating here is sporting gold high-tops and exciting hair, but most are. Some are cracking into a Kinder Surprise, a sweet-yet-tasty mess of white chocolate mousse and passionfruit jelly frogs hidden beneath a chocolate shell. Plenty are here just to drink. Maybe it's the solid beer list spruiking tinnies from craft heroes Garage Project and tap beers from Young Henrys.

Or maybe it's the fact that the white lights illuminating the fluoro paint like a crime scene in a '90s nightclub casts a better glow on drinks than on the carefully plated leg of chicken and spatzle in a broth. You can still appreciate well-cooked poultry and its complex double-cooked soup (though the promised dumplings are MIA and the pasta twists are tough), but would you think to go looking for it as a passerby? Is the joke strong enough to make you want to push past the pain factor? That's in the eye of the beholder.

THE LOW-DOWN
Pro tip You can play Nintendo while you wait for a table
Go-to dish Pork doughnuts – not just a trend! ($9 for two)
Like this? Magic Mountain Saloon brings the party to your table. 62 Little Collins Street, Melbourne

How we score
Of 20 points, 10 are awarded for food, five for service, three for ambience, two for wow factor.  
12 Reasonable 13 Solid and satisfactory 14 Good 15 Very good 16 Seriously good 17 Great 18 Excellent 19 Outstanding 20 The best of the best