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The new food dictionary

Larissa Dubecki
Larissa Dubecki

The rustic look: A wooden board where a plate would do.
The rustic look: A wooden board where a plate would do.Brianne Makin

Food baby. The newly coined term for the protruding stomach of the over-eater has just been added by the Oxford English Dictionary to its online edition, along with cake pop (a ball of iced cake on a stick) and – curiously - pear cider. Factor in that they also saw fit to anoint "twerk", and it makes the Oxford either: a) completely cutting-edge; or b) scarily willing to follow popular culture down a deep, dark hole.

And then you have Larousse. The venerable bible of the food world, alas, has failed to keep up with recent developments in gastronomy. You won't find "slider" in the French door-stopper; ditto "tasting plate" and "no bookings".

We thought we'd give our old-fashioned French friends a hand by alerting them to some other recent developments in the ever-changing world of food.

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Rustic– served on a wooden board/in a sardine tin/without being properly washed.

Air-dried – the kitchen-hand forgot to put it in the fridge.

Pop-up – a restaurant timed to disappear just before the bad reviews come in; get there before the health department.

Food or art: The time-consuming ideals of molecular gastronomy are unsurprisingly on the wane.
Food or art: The time-consuming ideals of molecular gastronomy are unsurprisingly on the wane.Domino Postiglione

Wagyu – beef. Any beef.

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Degustation – a multicourse-menu-slash-hostage situation.

Barbecue – a recent cultural reappraisal has led to the consensus that the end-product of our noun is rubbish compared to that of the American verb.

Risotto: Don't attempt on a cooking show.
Risotto: Don't attempt on a cooking show.Supplied

Risotto – something not to be attempted on a reality cooking show.

Zabaglione – a classic dessert designed to embarrass people unaware it's pronounced sabayon.

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Street food – peasant food at posh prices.

Paddock-to-plate – an ascetic food movement advocating the largely unadulterated journey of food products from the aforementioned paddock to the aforementioned plate (with a few stops along the way: abbatoir, wholesaler...).

Nose-to-tail – a term used for former pie filling, now seen on high-class restaurant tables.

Sous vide – boil-in-a-bag.

Grain-fed – beef from a fat farm.

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Grass-fed – the hippies of the bovine world. Pity they taste so good.

Food blogger – A sub-species of diner characterised by the annoying use of flash photography and the repetition of meaningless phrases such as "nom nom nom" and "yummo".

Locavore – someone who can't be bothered driving to the market and therefore pays much higher prices at the local supermarket.

Mixologist – a bartender who completed a year of university before dropping out to pursue a life in alcohol.

Fusion – the food equivalent of a forced marriage; usually as harmonious.

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Superfood – foods supposedly endowed with extraordinary nutritional properties; any dietitian will tell you that (just like Superman) they don't really exist.

Quinoa – the former native diet of the Andean peoples who now face starvation thanks to the entire crop being exported to developed countries.

Gourmet – a satirical marketing term; someone who thinks their awareness of fleur de sel and mojama makes them irresistibly attractive.

Farmers' market – the preferred weekend habitat of white, middle-class people.

Gastropub – previously any pub serving a high standard of food; now a basket of fries will suffice.

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Michelin – any chef who once walked past a kitchen of a Michelin-starred restaurant is said to have "had Michelin experience"; a recent survey shows this claim is made by 95.5 per cent of Australian chefs.

Tapas - small food, big price, free toothpick.

Hamburger – the culinary world's biggest unexplained lexicographical mystery; ie. where is the ham in a hamburger?

Sustainable meat – a feel-good term pretending to delineate protein produced in an ethical and environmentally friendly manner but in fact limited to very few species (see: sandworm).

Truffle oil – food deodorant; the Lynx of the restaurant world.

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Macaron – a delicate, French sweet meringue-based confection tired of being mistaken for a coconut biscuit.

Butter – makes everything better.

Bacon – a delicious yet sinister pig product intent on global domination – see bacon sundae.

Fast food – Any food "substance" wherein the speed of production is in inverse proportion to its calorie count.

Gastronomy – very similar to food; characterised by very small portions at very high prices.

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Slow food – a movement started in the 1960s by arthritic Italian farmers.

Molecular gastronomy – a food-art-science movement characterised by time-consuming efforts to make things taste other than they seem. If your peas taste like pineapple, that's molecular gastronomy. Strangely on the wane.

Heirloom – anything your grandmother would have recognised as food, therefore including potted meat, jam tarts and dripping.

Share plates – explanations no longer necessary. Please stop.

Celebrity chef – a cultural oxymoron of the late 20th century characterised by the pristine whiteness of the chef's apron.

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Food truck – is that a swarm of tattooed and bearded young men around a vehicle? It must be a food truck.

Tucker – also known as food; a term used by pompous food writers trying to pretend they're hip to the common people.

Decadent – an overblown justification commonly used for eating dessert.

Terroir – expensive dirt.

Farm-to-table – food that comes from a place known as a "farm" that winds up on a restaurant "table".

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Drizzle – chef has the DTs.

Organic – comes with free caterpillar.

Bio-dynamic – No one quite knows. Better than organic.

Huitlacoche– corn smut/Mexican colloquialism for anyone willing to queue two hours for tacos.

Artisan – A small producer looking forward to the day he or she is bought out by a major chain.

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Deconstructed – the chef was too lazy to make the original recipe.

Gluten free - $4 extra.

Hand-cut - by the machine the apprentice turns on with his index finger.

Executive chef – so-called because they're most commonly sighted in airport executive lounges between MasterChef commitments.

Foodie – compulsive overeater/restaurant name-dropper.

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Carpaccio – has it been sliced thinly? It's a carpaccio!

Orange wine – oxidised foul slop that tastes of smelly socks. Inexplicably fashionable.

Seasonal – grown under the usual weather conditions before being air-freighted to the other hemisphere.

Signature dish – highest profit margin.

Amuse bouche – fine dining foreplay. Primarily amuses the waiters as diners try to figure out how to eat the thing.

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Daily special – whatever's about to go off.

Larissa Dubecki is a restaurant critic for The Age. This is the first of her fortnightly blog posts for goodfood.com.au.

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The comment on this story judged to be the best by the goodfood.com.au editor will be published in The Feed in the Epicure and/or Good Food print sections next Tuesday and win $100 in prepaid cards courtesy of eftpos. Comments will close on this story at 5pm AEDT Thursday November 21.

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Larissa DubeckiLarissa Dubecki is a writer and reviewer.

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