Anchors away

There's nothing quite like the hunger and thirst that kicks in when I'm flicking through the Melbourne Food and Wine Festival program. Melbourne is always tasty but festival time turns it irresistibly delicious - you could just about lick the pavement and it would become a culinary experience. Initially, I pledge to eat all the dumplings, drink all the beer and go to all the special lunches and dinners. Obviously, that's impossible - clothes don't come that big. So, instead of hiring a tailor or cloning myself, I've pared the program back to a sleeker wishlist of fun stuff that's not yet sold out.

This year's Melbourne Food and Wine Festival starts next Friday and continues until Sunday, March 16. See melbournefoodandwine.com.au for hundreds more events and for extra information about inclusions and concession prices for my hit parade below.

Drink

The Immersery
Water is the theme of this year's festival and the festival hub is a three-storey rain garden on the old rail bridge by Queensbridge Square. An associated barge bar on the Yarra River is a great place to contemplate the key role of water in everything we eat, drink and do. Bars from Melbourne and interstate will face off in one-night-only drink-fests. Highlights include Lui Bar (Vue de Monde) versus Void Bar at (MONA, Hobart) on Friday, February 28, and a dive-bar showdown between The Beaufort (Carlton) and Earl's Juke Joint (Sydney) on Sunday, March 2. Daily, 8am-11pm. Queensbridge Square, Southbank. Free.

The Danube River's 222 Seasons
Austrian winery Weingut Salomon Undhof is celebrating its 222nd anniversary and winemaker Bert Salomon will share eight of his favourite wines and the stories behind them during a five-course dinner at the always-classy Union Dining. Thursday, March 6, 7pm. 270 Swan Street, Richmond, 9428 2988. $130.

Flemington Grazing Trail and Cellar Door
If you're the kind of person who thinks thoroughbred must be a type of sourdough then this is the race meet for you. Premium Victorian wine and food producers (St Huberts, Mount Langi Ghiran) and some of Melbourne's best chefs (Daniel Wilson and Adam d'Sylva among them) are heading to Flemington for drinks, eats and cooking demos, to a backdrop of thundering hooves. Saturday, March 8, 11.30am-5.30pm. The Front Lawn, Flemington Racecourse, 448 Epson Road, Flemington, 132 849. $25.

Devil's Water
Drinking vodka is all very well but you can also use the devilish clear spirit to cure fish and inebriate oysters. Find out how, see what it tastes like, and leave with a take-home cocktail kit. Saturday, March 1, and Saturday, March 8, 5pm. Campari House, 23-25 Hardware Lane, Melbourne, 9600 1574. $65.

Learn

Sunshine Pho Fever
Cooks from four local Vietnamese restaurants share tales and tricks of their famous noodle soups and special drinks. Monday, March 10-Thursday, March 13, 6.15pm. Sao Cafe, 3/308 Hampshire Road, Sunshine, 9249 4413. $45.

Melbourne Water Raingardens
The Immersery and its displays on waterwise gardening run throughout the festival but it's especially worth a visit when gardening expert Jane Edmanson speaks on stormwater harvesting in urban plots. Saturday, March 8, and Sunday, March 9, 1pm. Queensbridge Square, Southbank. Free.

Urban Water Harvest
Aquaponics is a system of farming seafood and plants together, with each helping sustain the other. See a system in action and eat from aquaponic harvests at a series of Spanish-inspired dinners. Monday, March 3, Tuesday, March 4, Monday, March 10, Tuesday, March 11, 7pm. Bohemian, 35 Dukes Walk, South Wharf, 9682 0566. $90.

Dehydrate vs Rehydrate
I reckon this five-course feast is one of the best-value dinners around, as well as a chance to learn about the effects of water on food - first when it's extracted and then when it's replaced. Wednesday, March 12, 6.30pm. Hammer and Tong, 412A Brunswick Street, Fitzroy, 9041 6033. $55.

Pick and Eat: Yarra Yarra
We live on the Yarra but don't often relate it to food. Heide gardener Dugald Noyes shares insights into the Yarra, its many moods and how they affect the Heide produce gardens, followed by a Cafe Vue lunch inspired by Yarra habitats. Thursday, March 6, 10.30am. Heide Museum of Modern Art, 7 Templestowe Road, Bulleen, 9850 1500. $75.

Dine

Juicy Jay's Low Country Hoedown
You can't usually take a Hoddle Street bus to a boot-scootin' hoedown but Dr Juicy Jay's Fried Chicken and Crab Shack brings Deep Southern partying to Collingwood. Crabs, crays and cornbread will be served on communal tables and there's no shame in getting a little messy before you wipe off and start dancing. Kids welcome. Saturday, March 1, Sunday, March 2, Saturday, March 8, Sunday, March 9, noon. Le Bon Ton, 51 Gipps Street, Collingwood, 9429 5695. $110.

Nathan Outlaw
The team at Circa has taken such a shine to British chef Nathan Outlaw they're calling him their new in-law. The Michelin-starred Brit is known for his contemporary and sustainable perspective on British food, particularly seafood, and he's teaming up with Circa chef Ashly Hicks for one night only. Thursday, March 13, 7pm. Circa the Prince, 2 Acland Street, St Kilda, 9536 1122. $195.

Sea of Cultures
Clock up frequent-flyer miles in a five-course brunch degustation that zooms around Africa, Asia and the Middle East. The host cafe, Fifty Six Threads, is a catering enterprise that offers employment and training for new migrants. Saturday, March 1 and Sunday, March 2, 9am, 11am, 1pm. 56 Derby Street, Kensington, 9938 4772. $55.

Mitch Tonks
Even if you're not a seafood freak, this rooftop barbecue sounds like fun. British fishmonger, self-taught cook and restaurateur Mitch Tonks is teaming up with old mate chef Ian Curley and sustainable seafoodie John Susman. Monday, March 10, 12.30pm. Siglo, 2/161 Spring Street, Melbourne, 9654 6631, $90.

Blood is Thicker Than Water
Brothers and Gertrude Street compadres Andrew and Matt McConnell are co-hosting a progressive dinner and street party. The menu includes blood-inspired dishes such as blood sausage and blood on toast. Thursday, March 13, 6.30pm and 8.30pm. Casa Ciuccio and Cutler & Co, Gertrude Street, Fitzroy, 9419 4888. $95.

Redefining the Surf and Turf'
Pub abominations are exorcised in this classy exploration of beef and seafood combos. Dishes include marron and wagyu blade, and crayfish sashimi and air-dried beef sandwich. Wines are from the amazing Mac Forbes. Wednesday, March 5, 6.30pm. Steer Bar and Grill, 637 Chapel Street, South Yarra, 9040 1188. $149.

Splashy

Seafood Tables in the Sand
Who says a hillside shopfront in a landlocked suburb can't be a beach as well? Wonderful Italian restaurant Mister Bianco is trucking in the sand for two seafood feasts. Sunday, March 2, noon and 6pm. 285 High Street, Kew, 9853 6929. $125.

Food Safari Picnic
A boat trip to a little-visited island plus a picnic adds up to a good way to spend three hours. The picnic is chosen by you from Richmond restaurateurs and the island is Herring Island in the middle of the Yarra. Not recommended for children under 12. Sunday, March 2, 11.30am, 1pm, 2.30pm. 4pm. Meet at O'Connell Reserve, Bridge Road, Richmond, 9205 5555. $85.

Sailing, Feasting, Competing
Modelled on an annual event in the Venice lagoon, chefs including The Point's Justin Wise (see our main picture) and Thomas Woods and Hayden McFarland from Woodland House will sail around Albert Park Lake collecting ingredients such as crayfish and caviar for the dish they'll then make for lunch. Points will be awarded for speedy sailing and sumptuous food. Sunday, March 2, 11am. The Point Albert Park, Aquatic Drive, Albert Park Lake, 9682 5566. $165.

La Baracca on the Yarra Bank
The Veneto Club is an amazing Little Italy with a bocce drome, dinner dances and bilingual bingo so I'm confident they'll do a great job of recreating a northern Italian feast on the banks of the Yarra adjoining their property. Sunday, March 2, noon. 191 Bulleen Road, Bulleen, 9850 7111. $65.

Slow Boat to the Pyrenees
Hop on the Lady Cutler to sample wines from the Pyrenees region. The region centres on Avoca, about two hours north-west of Melbourne. Winemakers will chat about their treasures and canapes are included. Thursday, March 6, 6pm. Berth 9, Central Pier, Docklands, 1800 20 622. $100.

Budget-friendly things to do

Nha Trang Yacht Club
Cocktails, live music and seafood stalls set the tone at this buzzy Vietnamese party hub. Your ticket includes entry and a coconut. Rice paper rolls and betel leaf snacks are extra. Sunday March 16, 1pm-9pm. Rooftop at Harbour Room, 2 Pier Road, St Kilda, 9939 5181. $35.

Little Foodies Corner
Mini chefs aged three to 11 can just turn up to hands-on workshops on sushi, dolmades and rice paper rolls. Saturday, March 1 and Sunday, March 2, 10.30am, noon, 1.30pm. Queensbridge Square, Southbank. Free.

On Water: Eight Speakers. Eight Stories
Chris Ying from food magazine Lucky Peach, conservation consultant Helen Doyle and gold-medal-winning diver Matthew Mitcham are among those sharing thoughts on water. Tuesday, March 11, 6.15pm. Athenaeum Theatre, 188 Collins Street, Melbourne, wheelercentre.com. $20.

A Trio of Astrological Bites
Get the lowdown from a roving astrologist and eat dishes associated with the three water signs at this Cancer, Pisces and Scorpio-centric lunch. A homely crab dish, a sensitive fish dish and a killer scorpion tequila all come into play. Saturday, March 1, noon. The Plough Hotel, 333 Barkly Street, Footscray, 9687 2878. $48.

Asian Seafood Festival Graze
Box Hill Central is always great value but free tastings and dumpling and noodle demos from chef James Tan make it even more compelling today. Sunday, March 2, 11am and 1pm. 1 Main Street, Box Hill. Free.

Restaurant Express
More than 70 restaurants anointed in The Age Good Food Guide are offering $40 two-course lunch deals for the duration of the festival. Good picks include Epocha, Ilona Staller, The Town Mouse, Hare and Grace, Nobu, Pei Modern and Bacash.

Port Phillip Mussel Festival
A bucket of mussels for $5 is a pretty good deal. It's even better when they're cooked to recipes from Turkey, Spain and Mexico and served as part of a seafood street party with music and kids' entertainment. Saturday, March 8 and Sunday, March 9, noon-11pm. Claypots Evening Star, South Melbourne Market, 322-326 Coventry Street, South Melbourne, 9645 5779.

Water - Coffee's Hidden Taste
Have you got your head around single origin, siphon coffee and cold drip? Now barista Matt Perger will make coffee with tap water from Melbourne and London plus various bottled waters to prove that it's not all about the bean. Saturday, March 8, 10am. Sensory Lab Roastery, 706 Lorimer Street, Port Melbourne, 9686 2990. $25.