Melbourne's northside v southside: Which dining style are you?

Melbourne, we need to talk. The north-south divide is wearing a little thin. Is it a cliche or is it really a thing?

Let's start with a little word association game. Which side of the mighty, murky Yarra River comes to mind when we say: active wear, champagne, mansions? And how about hipsters, craft beer and pop-ups?

Compared to the south, the north has more craft beer, cheat meals, Italian restaurants and food trucks. By comparison the south favours cocktails, clean eating, French cuisine and beachside eats.

These stereotypes are by no means absolute, but behind each one lurks a sliver of truth. Here's a little proof.

NORTH

Street Dogz

Danny's and Andrew's started the original north v south burger battle, but a hefty concentration of burger joints spread further north, branching out from the city. Kustom Burgers fits the bill, but the owners also have Street Dogz 100 metres down the road. This artery-clogging hotdog spot has more than a dozen dogs on offer, named after local pups. Leroy is a best seller, the soft bun lined with melted cheese before the grass-fed beef frank goes in, followed by mounds of caramelised onion, bacon and a not-so-healthy squirt of mustard, tomato and barbecue sauce.

825 High Street Thornbury, 8597 4583, streetdogzthornbury.com

Capitano

In the 1950s, post-war Melbourne saw a massive influx of Italian immigrants, with many settling in Melbourne's inner north and transforming Lygon Street into our own little Italy. In 2014 Lygon Street had a second wind thanks to openings from places like Pidapipo and Heart Attack and Vine, and after a brief lull, the suburb has taken off again. This year it welcomed Super Ling, Carlton Wine Room, Mr Pietro, The Moor's Head 2.0 and more – including Capitano from the Bar Liberty team. Only one of the four partners is Italian, but at this New York-inspired Italian diner, it's more about produce-driven, thin-crusted pizzas; pasta and interesting wine, most of which is Italian or made using Italian varietals grown on home soil.

421 Rathdowne Street Carlton, 9134 8555, capitano.com.au

The Mill Brewery

We're willing to arm wrestle anyone who argues that there are more inner-city brew bars in Melbourne's south. In a recent Good Food article on breweries being the new bars, every spot mentioned is in Melbourne's north (technically Valhalla Taproom, opening in Geelong in November, counts as far, far north of the river). Many of these are in Collingwood given that the old factories and warehouses lend themselves to storing equipment. The Mill Brewery is no exception. The roller door to the old mechanics workshop opened in 2017. The 600L brewhouse sits up the back and customers sit on red gum tables chatting over brews with names like 'The Dark Lord' and 'I Can't Believe It's Not Juice'.

40 Sackville Street Collingwood, 0417 324 363, themillbrewery.com.au

Welcome to Thornbury

The food truck trend started in the north, thanks in no small part to more leisurely street vending laws from local councils at the time. Beatbox Kitchen kicked things off in 2009 and founder Raph Rashid opened Welcome to Thornbury with 100 Burgers Group in 2015. Beatbox Kitchen now has two brick-and-mortar stores, both in the north. About six months back the diplomatic Food Truck Festival divided Melbourne into north, south, east and west, featuring over 40 food trucks from the city in the biggest food truck gathering in Melbourne history. It was held at Birrarung Marr – technically to the north of the Yarra.

520 High Street Thornbury, 9020 7940, welcometothornbury.com

SOUTH

Serotonin Eatery

Before proverbial bricks of angry social media comments hit us in the proverbial nuts, we know that Burnley is just north of the river. We also assume that those who live there, and also in Richmond, consider themselves loyal northsiders, while everyone else in Melbourne is likely to tell them it doesn't count. The point is that there's a blatant concentration of health-oriented cafes in the south, and Serotonin is an A+ example. We advocate good fats and prefer our smoothies in glasses over bowls, but Serotonin is a happy medium, serving wholesome food that doesn't leave you hungry, like a stack of gluten-free banana pancakes with coconut yogurt, berries and 'nice-cream'.

52 Madden Grove Burnley, 9108 1507, serotonindealer.com

Bouzy Bar a Vin

Melbourne's most famed French restaurant – or at the very least, its oldest – is none other than legendary France Soir on Toorak Road. Perhaps the South Yarra location has something to do with the concentration of French restaurants on that side of the river, including L'Hotel Gitan, Chez Olivier, Bistro Thierry and Entrecote. Owner of the latter and self-confessed Francophile, Jason Jones, opened BOUZY this year. The charismatic wine bar in Kings Arcade is inspired by Jones' first trip to Paris, where he fell in love with Au Petit Fer a Cheval in Le Marais. The horseshoe terrazzo bar is a fabulous spot for champagne and oysters – or escargot – and it's oh-so-southside, darling.

976 High Street Armadale, 9500 9546, bouzy.com.au

INES

Order an espresso martini in some northside bars and you might be met with a smug, "We don't serve those here." South of the Yarra at the trendy end of Chapel Street, is an old-world European wine bar with a new-world neon sign. Brought to you by Matteo Bruno (The Meatball & Wine Bar), it's not only encouraging espresso martini orders, but redefining them. Their INESpresso martini is made with Tromba tequila, Mozart dark chocolate liqueur and Dukes coffee and comes with a vial of grappa. You know, to help with digestion.

150 Chapel Street Windsor, 9521 4465, ineswinebar.com.au

Pontoon

When it comes to seaside dining, the south has it in the beach bag. Stokehouse is iconic in Melbourne thanks to slick service and sunset views, but downstairs at the more casual Pontoon you can pull yourself out of the water and straight to a table for a swordfish burger, pizza or hair of the dog breakfast complete with marmalade martini. It's also a great spot for a salty beer, as is Paper Fish next door, a fish-and-chips kiosk with bites like coconut prawn tacos and kingfish wings. It opens over spring and summer each year.

30 Jacka Boulevard St Kilda, 9525 5445, pontoonstkildabeach.com.au

With the exception of beachside dining, the fact is that you can find typically northside venues in the south, and vice versa. Perhaps you've slurped calamari noodles with smoked bone marrow and kimchi from Ramblr and thought it tasted like something you had on Smith Street in Collingwood, or sat in Messer on Gertrude Street and noted that the decor was more south-ish than north-ish.

Just as the line between activewear and pyjamas continues to blur, so too does the one between typically north and southside venues. In the process, some culinary-rich suburbs in the east and west are forgotten in this stubborn war. So don't just cross the river, remember to expand your appetite to Yarraville, Footscray, Box Hill and beyond. Just be prepared to spend a little more on that Uber ride home.