Ragu too dry? Natural wine bordering on vinegar? Perhaps let a waitperson know about your gripes before posting them to an online review site or Facebook. It may well be a problem that's easily fixed and everyone can go home happy.
This means no chunky DSLR cameras, artificial lighting, standing on chairs and shooting plates on the floor. Most importantly, it means acknowledging the staff member delivering the food to your table before whipping your phone out. As for Boyfriends of Instagram tasked with lighting dishes via phone torch – you're allowed to say no. Find the power within.
Most restaurants will be OK about splitting the bill evenly across two or three cards but waitstaff would rather drink a pint of shattered glass than deal with 20 separate transactions for a birthday dinner. You don't want to be that person itemising who ordered what on the bill either.
And if you're on a late sitting and the chairs are being stacked, it's probably time to leave, too.
While there's strong arguments for and against keeping children occupied with electronic devices at restaurants, there's no reason Peppa Pig should be spruiking the benefits of seaside holidays at full volume. This rule applies to any public space and also planes.
Online booking systems have a little additional notes section just for this. It means the kitchen has time to prepare the best possible gluten-free/non-dairy/vegan version of its tasting menu that it can.
"If there's a conversation at the start of the meal or time of booking, the vast majority of times we can manage that experience," says Jeremy Courmadias.
If you're going to complain online that a hatted chef won't provide chips or chicken nuggets it's fair to say you should never be allowed to visit any restaurant ever again and you probably should not have gone there in the first place.
Regardless of whether your Instagram account has 100 followers or 1 million, it's not a classy look and no restaurant worth its Olsson's will say yes.
"If someone invited you to their house for dinner you would call to let them know if you couldn't make it," says Attila Yilmaz. "You should do the same for a restaurant booking. It's simple courtesy. It also means we can allocate those seats to paying customers."
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