MasterChef recap: The huge shock that absolutely nobody could have seen coming

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"How do you think this is going to go?" asks Andy. "The old service challenge?"

"Thank you for explaining what is happening," reply the other judges.

That's right, it's time for that sweatiest of MasterChef events: the service challenge. A restaurant has been set up in the kitchen, causing much squealing and shouting as the contestants overreact mightily.

The challenge requires the Fans and Faves to go head to head, making a three-course meal, with groups of four within each team handing each course. There is a set ingredient for each course: for entrée they must use Jerusalem artichoke, which is a challenging ingredient because nobody is allowed to find out what it is; for main they must use eggplant, known as "meat for people who hate food"; and for dessert they must use raspberries, which is rather rude.

"I love Jerusalem artichokes because it's so versatile," says Harry, who is just making up any old thing. After her triumph yesterday when she won an immunity pin for setting fire to a small pile of garbage, Harry is seen as the alpha on the Fans team.

We stop for a dramatic close-up on some jars of tomato paste, just to make clear how high the stakes are.

Sashi has taken charge, ordering his minions about and exerting the powerful psychological grip that has become his trademark. As the teams draw pictures of their dishes to lighten the mood, the judges meet to trade forthright opinions. Andy believes this should be a walk in the park for the favourites, but he may be forgetting that the fans have a TikToker on their side.

Jock and Andy ask Harry what the hell she's playing at. Harry explains that she is mixing artichoke with artichoke and seasoning it with artichoke. Sadly at no point does anyone point out that the Jerusalem artichoke is a species of sunflower and not actually a kind of artichoke, which means MasterChef is responsible for disseminating some fairly egregious misinformation.

Jock and Andy move over to the faves to ask Mindy what she's doing with her Jerusalem artichoke. Mindy's answer: as little as possible. Seems wise, though Minoli is worried that the judges are worried that there's not enough artichoke – or rather, sunflower – in the dish. Will the faves' entrée be able to match Harry's well-established ability to burn things?

A fan called Dulan explains that for main they are making a dish composed of eggplant, lamb and 'bits and pieces'. He will be smoking the eggplant, and who can blame him with the stress he's been under. It is time for a home montage, where we see how Dulan uses cooking to relax to the point that he goes slightly out of focus. Returning from his misty watercoloured memories, we return to MasterChef, where Jock and Andy are laughing at Dulan's foolish aubergine naivete.

Sashi, based on his brutally totalitarian theory of restaurant management, is bossing everyone around, even Julie Goodwin, The First of Her Name, Duchess of Dishes. He reflects on his food journey and how time in the cutthroat food industry has taught him that only by ruthless tyranny can flavour be attained.

On the fans' dessert team, Melanie fires the first major salvo of the series, bringing out some powerful backstory gear. Describing her battle with coeliac disease, she throws down the gauntlet to the favourites: beat THAT. Jock asks Melanie whether she's the head chef of the dessert team. Melanie explains that there isn't really a head chef. Jock scoffs at her foolishness: she has so much to learn about bullying restaurant staff.

A bombshell is now dropped with the news that one of the fans is Scottish! Nobody saw this coming. It takes a while to process. Her name is Ali and she is forced to take control when it becomes clear that Dulan's grip on his eggplants has slipped. Dulan has been picking up his eggplants off the grill and putting them back down on the grill for hours, but no matter what he does they are still eggplants, and panic is setting in. Luckily Ali is a take-charge kind of woman, and she saves the day by walking slowly along a beach with her children.

Over on the faves' dessert team, John is in charge and announces that they are making a white chocolate mousse, causing everyone to scream in post-traumatic terror. "You guys chose raspberries," says Jock. "May you be forever damned for it." He walks away in disgust.

The judges gather to discuss the terrible shambles everyone is making of their tasks. Melissa performs some absolutely heroic commentary, somehow finding a way to make the fact Ali is a graphic designer sound like a useful asset in cooking.

The diners start arriving, eager for a free meal. The faves taste their entrée. Minoli says she can't taste the artichoke, which may be because it's actually Jerusalem artichoke which is not a kind of artichoke. The others tell her that they can taste the artichoke and that she was only on the show last year and she needs to get back in her box. Minoli goes to HR to report that Mindy, Christina and Aldo are bullying her. She goes into the pantry to plan her revenge: she will bring out the Jerusalem artichokes' sweetness with something called "mirren". THAT will show them!

Meanwhile on the fans' side, Harry's lust for power is only growing and her subjects cower before her.

It is service time. The judges, having first paused to emphasise just how INCREDIBLY UNLIKELY it is that the fans could POSSIBLY win, so if it happens you should be VERY SURPRISED, sit together at the judging table where they will judge the dishes and render the very presence of the diners utterly irrelevant.

First up they try the fans' smooshed up Jerusalem artichoke (sunflower). It is silky and not too heavy, much like 80 per cent the dishes ever served on this show. They then try the faves' entrée: Jerusalem (not actually a kind of) artichoke chips served on top of real food. It's rubbish and Minoli is vindicated by history.

OH my goodness! The fans have won the entrée round! Just what the judges told us was so unlikely! Who could have foreseen?

Time for the main course. Before serving, Jock visits the kitchen to mime punching Sashi, which scares the hell out of everyone, while Andy goes to the fans' side to make snide comments.

The judges taste the faves' curry etc. It's fantastic, according to Melissa, but can we trust her? Apparently the rice is earthy and this is evidently a good thing. They then taste the fans' lamb with eggplant gunk on. Jock finds it conceptually disappointing and senses that the studio interfered with the post-production process.

It all comes down to dessert: the faves' pink bubbles – which John describes with an incredibly confusing story about Nicki Minaj – versus the fans' weird cake. The latter is undercooked – the one sin that God cannot forgive. Melissa believes that as a concept it was great, and questions whether the fact it sucked as food really matters. The pink bubbles don't have enough raspberry in them, and though this is objectively a positive, the judges seem to find it vexing.

The time has come to pass judgment on these poor wretches. The fans, obviously, win entrée. The faves, obviously, win main. And in a HUGE SHOCK THAT NOBODY COULD POSSIBLY HAVE SEEN COMING, the fans win dessert, resulting in an intervention order forbidding John from ever going within fifty metres of white chocolate again. Also, the winning teams from each course will compete tomorrow in the immunity decider challenge, wherein bitter hatreds will be exposed like wounds.