'Sydney's most premium cocktail bar'? Only in Wonderland, Alice

It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment I realised Alice was not for me. Maybe it was when the insipid music of British X Factor winner James Arthur started blaring directly above our heads. Perhaps it was the tough beef skewers.

It may even have been as soon as we walked through the door without a booking. The hostess wanted to know my full name and phone number before we could be seated. I asked why. "Oh, we just like to keep track of our important guests." Hmmm. I think I speak for most guests, important or otherwise, when I say a warm "Hello" and "Right this way" are preferable to "Please provide your contact details for our database."

You can find Alice in The Rocks' basement site that was once home to The Cut. I liked The Cut. It was a steakhouse with proper prime ribs and reliable Manhattans, and plenty of red velvet and massive chairs to hunker down in. The Cut knew what it wanted to be and nailed the brief.

Alice took over in September and I'm still not sure of its raison d'être. The website says the "soft sandstone curves, plush decor and playful milieux will draw you in". I say the booths are uncomfortable and the tables annoyingly knee-high. Pink ostrich-feather lamps dot the room; floral upholstery clashes with dark leather.

James Arthur is followed by a Beatles cover that sounds like Christian rock and yet, according to Alice's Instagram account, this is "Sydney's most premium cocktail bar". I must push through to see if there's any truth to this claim.

A bar menu is full of things that sound delicious but fall short on execution. On my first visit, a pork katsu sandwich ($24) had the texture of yesterday's bread. On another occasion, only half the crusts had been removed. 

Charcoal-grilled beef skewers (two for $22) are tough – like the rump meat you encounter at one of those all-you-can-eat Brazilian barbecues.

Seed crackers (four for $24) topped with a kingfish crudo and racy Aleppo pepper are a fine effort, though, and cheese empanadas (two for $12) are crisp and gooey in the right places. Skewered king prawns (two for $24), blackened with a corpse-reviving Cajun spice mix of cayenne pepper and paprika, are by far the best dish. Order four. 

But how a fridge-cold beef carpaccio ($18) tastes of nothing much at all when it's covered in capers and parmesan is beyond me. Little tarts filled with tomato jam and a coiled anchovy (four for $16) have the opposite problem: all acid and a faint whiff of fish. The batter of Sichuan-spiced fried chicken (four strips for $14) is overworked: there's no Kentucky-style crunch.

Alice is run by the same private equity-backed group that owns Rockpool Bar & Grill (still a cracking night out), Fratelli Fresh and about two dozen of those Bavarian feeding lots found at suburban shopping centres. Surely it's sufficiently bankrolled to do better than this?

"Sydney's most premium cocktail bar" may also like to improve its cocktails. A Sazerac ($29) is too diluted; a Manhattan ($27) needs more bitters. My margarita ($23) is nicely bright, but you have to work around a Wizz Fizz level of sugar coating on the glass to get to it. 

Pick of the house cocktails is the Te Quiero ($25), featuring gold kiwifruit, tequila and apricot brandy knitted together with Yellow Chartreuse: it's sour, refreshing and inspired. 

Most of the other creations seem more concerned with gimmicks than balance. An overly sweet and smoky Old Fashioned riff ($28) particularly irks me; while other Sydney bars are trying to minimise waste, it's served with a fortune cookie wrapped in plastic.

I should also note there's a discretionary 10 per cent service charge and we're prompted for more gratuity when the bill comes. Bold.

At least the floor staff deliver this pricey experience with utter charm, even if they do forget our water and a $38 glass of Collector 2015 Reserve Shiraz is poured out of sight.

There's plenty of potential for a great bar here. The room has beautiful bones, and everyone at least wants you to have a swell time. Sharpening the drinks and playlist would be a good start. I'll be taking my snacks back at Rockpool Bar & Grill until then.

Vibe: Jazz club without the jazz

Go-to dish: Blackened king prawns (two for $24, four pictured)

Drinks: Smart list of Australian and European wines, silly cocktails and an intimidating amount of whisky

Cost: About $100 for two, excluding drinks

This review was originally published in Good Weekend magazine