If overloading your pudding bowl was an Olympic sport, I would be up for a spot on the podium. Every Christmas I fear I haven't served myself enough; every Christmas I overcompensate and end up in a heap on the couch. "Oh, yeah, that's right. These things are denser than an imploding star."
It's the reason we only eat Christmas pudding at Christmas. Unlike hot cross buns, which could and should be a perennial snack, pudding is best served two or three times a year, lest ye overload on fruity carbohydrates and buttery fat. Choosing the right pudding is serious business, then.
Good Food tasted more than 20 Christmas puddings available nationally from major retailers to arrive at the top 10 list below.
Certainly, there are more great puddings out there from independent bakers and state-based stores – Phillippa's suet-enriched plum pudding for Melburnians or nationwide delivery, say, or the whisky and apple vodka-spiked number at Flour Drum in Newtown, Sydney.
Sometimes you're in a pudding pinch, however, and the closest Woolies will have to do.
That said, puddings are the Christmas treat that retailers seem to spend the most time perfecting and supermarket quality this year was the best we've ever seen. Just don't forget the brandy sauce, cream, custard, ice-cream, and a few cherries for kicks.
Hot pudding and cold cream? Amazing. Hot pudding and warm custard? It's 90 per cent humidity outside, what are you thinking, you mad person.
LET THE CHRISTMAS PUDDING COUNTDOWN COMMENCE...
700g, $16.50
All top-note flavours and no depth from ageing means this isn't a pudding for the centre of the table, but it's perfect for serving kids, especially if there's ice-cream on hand. A light crumb makes Woolies' mid-range pud more cake-like than a pudding ought to be, and … hang on a second … could that slightly bitter edge be chocolate? The nerve! Indeed, traditionalists might baulk at the idea of cocoa in a Christmas pudding, but for a bit of throwaway fun this is more than fine.
80 per cent Australian ingredients.
750g, $18
Dense much? It's like slicing a knife through cold butter to get a wedge of this sticky boy on the plate. Super sweet with kirsch-like notes that I suspect come from the combination of sherry, apple cider and an enthusiastic amount of mixed peel because cherry isn't on the ingredients list. Supernova-level density means a whole bowl of this pudding will send the best of us over the edge, but a tiny sliver served with port and cheddar is the kind of snack Santa would love to find at the end of your chimney. (He also says enough with the fruitcake.)
70 per cent Australian ingredients.
900g, $12
With a 2.5 health star rating, this is potentially the "best for you" pudding on this list. Has Coles manipulated the health star algorithm to reach that score? Who's to say? Not me, legally, but I can tell you the pudding's handsome crown of glazed cherries and almonds hides an otherwise standard supermarket offering. It needs a custard drenching to cut through the sugar, but the potential for a good time is there.
Made in New Zealand.
700g, $7
A nice value pud with light, cakey texture and a small kick of cognac. On the sweet side, but falling just short of cloying thanks to ingredients starting to get along with each other after nine months in confinement. There's a strong whiff of orange juice and lemon peel when the dessert slips out of its little gold bowl and the shape holds together well if you're after a stunt pudding to set on fire. (Light the brandy in a small saucepan or ladle before pouring over the pud for your best chance at a fetching blue flame.)
Made in New Zealand.
500g, $30
A bit doughy out of the packet, but the texture loosens up and becomes smoother after heating. Lots of sultanas and vine fruits are distributed evenly, with a balanced splash of booze and buttery mouthfeel without being oily. A note here on room temperature pudding versus heated: both are bloody tops, provided you have a contrasting temperature in the toppings. Hot pudding and cold cream? Amazing. Hot pudding and warm custard? It's 90 per cent humidity outside, what are you thinking, you mad person.
85 per cent Australian ingredients.
100g, $7.95
I've eaten two of these in the past week and damned if I can taste any orange, but at least there's a nice lick of port and plenty of currants, raisins and dates. A steadying, balanced pud for a bout of self-care on the couch – it turns out 100 grams is the ideal amount of pudding for one person. Also available in a larger special-occasion size.
85 per cent Australian ingredients.
700g, $15
Super moist, bordering on damp. Not ideal, to be honest, but you're also hit with the fragrance of warm spices, molasses, vine fruit and orange peel when you open the pudding's vacuum-sealed bag. This is rich, heady stuff finished in the Hunter Valley with South Australian brandy and Queensland rum. Certainly worth a simmer.
87 per cent Australian ingredients.
800g, $35.95
Heck yep, a great all-rounder. A hefty crumb on the right side of stodgy with balanced fruit and brandy flavours. While the spice levels are subtle, there's still enough zip and zap to make things interesting. However, is it worth the price tag compared to Aldi's 10-month pud that it just beats by a shiny red nose? Er, no. The German retailer's offerings make a lot more fiscal sense.
85 per cent Australian ingredients.
907g, $20
The black plastic bowl and dark wrapper signals this is a pudding that's not stuffing about and whoa, boy, is there some booze here. Mercifully, the extra-long ageing period means generous pours of armagnac, cider, brandy, rum and port don't overpower the fancy Vostizza currants. All the flavours have blended beautifully over time. Moist but firm, with diced almonds to keep the texture interesting and – I can't reiterate this enough – god, this is a boozy adventure.
Made in the United Kingdom.
AND THE WINNER IS...
500g, $30
This is a gold-standard pud, with It also comes in a cloth-bound round, but I prefer the log for ease of slicing and serving vanilla ice-cream on top. Made to a family recipe for the past 40 years, the torpedo is available to order online from the Pudding Lady website, but with the possibility of delayed delivery before December 25, buying one from David Jones (it's stocked nationally) might be the more reliable option.
90 per cent Australian ingredients.