Star Wars merchandising goes into hyperdrive every Christmas and this year the marketing arm is especially strong. There's a little film called Star Wars: The Force Awakens opening on December 17 and a lot of people are very excited about it, including myself.
To celebrate the occasion, why not Force-ify your kitchen? There are not many cookware items that haven't been turned into a Death Star, lightsaber or X-wing, from chopsticks to cutting boards to ice cube trays. Here are 10 of my favourites you should be able to find in local stores or have internationally shipped.
R2-D2 ceramic teapot
"This not the teapot you're looking for …" Actually, this is exactly the teapot you're looking for. Brew your T2 in R2 this Chrissie.
Artoo Tea-Too, thinkgeek.com, $USD 39.99 ($55)
X-wing knife block
I can't vouch for the quality of these knives. At $125 for the set they probably won't cut through tauntaun flesh, but hey, it's an X-WING KNIFE BLOCK! You might as well buy a few and invite your mates around for one of the strangest re-enactments of the Death Star trench run imaginable.
X-wing knife block, thefowndry.com, £59.99 ($125)
Death Star kitchen timer
"This will be a day long remembered. It has seen the end of Kenobi; it will soon see the end of overcooked souffle."
You could easily deck out your whole kitchen with items based on the Empire's moon-sized weapon of mass destruction. There's also a Death Star spatula, cutting board, tea infuser, ice mould, cookie jar, chip bowl and waffle iron. The kitchen timer wins the "most excellent" award just because it's unthinkable that a Death Star kitchen timer didn't exist until now. This might be harder to get your mitts on as it doesn't ship to Australia just yet, but start dropping hints if you happen to know anybody heading to the States soon …
Death Star kitchen timer, thinkgeek.com, $USD 14.99 ($20.50)
R2-D2 measuring cups
Poor little Artoo. There's not much he hasn't been made into over the years, from the sensible (pepper grinder, stubby holder) to the downright bizarre (lingerie, aquarium). This set of measuring cups falls somewhere in between and now that I know it exists, I must have it.
R2-D2 measuring cup set, amazon.com, $USD 28.99 ($39.50)
Elegant utensils for a more civilised age. I own these myself (please don't tell anyone how I live) and while they can be a little clumsy to use, believe me when I say you haven't lived until you've eaten mi goreng with the weapon of a Jedi knight.
Darth Vader lightsaber chopsticks, amazon.com, $USD 12.50 ($17)
Chewbacca stubby holder
This is the next best thing to sitting around a Kashyyyk campfire drinking beer with actual wookiees. It plays the Star Wars theme music, but that's irrelevant when you've got everyone's favourite fuzzball in the palm of your hand.
Chewbacca musical can cooler, ebgames.com.au, $18
There's Yoda, Han Solo and Princess Leia aprons, too, but this C-3PO version is my pick of the bunch. Basically because you can also wear it as a cape, you can pretend you're Chewbacca piggy-backing 3PO's torso around Cloud City like in The Empire Strikes Back. (I can't conceptualise anything nerdier than actually doing this).
C-3PO character apron, amazon.com $USD 24.99 ($34)
Landspeeder bottle opener
There's also a killer Millennium Falcon bottle opener, but because Landspeeder merchandise isn't too common, this heavy metal version of Luke's sweet ride wins first place in the awesome awards. Use it to open Crownies at the work Christmas party and be the envy of every geek in the office.
Landspeeder bottle opener, mightyape.com.au $47.99
The Force Awakens dinnerware
I'm dubious on buying Star Wars merchandise based on a film yet to be released. What if The Force Awakens is terrible? I still have unopened battle droid action figures from Episode I that no one will take off my hands if I pay them.
Chances are The Force Awakens will be all kinds of excellent, though, and what eight-year-old fan of The Light Side wouldn't want a Kylo Ren's head on a plate?
The Force Awakens three-piece dinnerware set, fishpond.com.au, $33.87
TIE fighter nutcracker
Crush walnuts like Vader crushes the Rebellion. Not the cheapest item on this list, but check out how solid that thing is.
XL TIE fighter metal nut cracker, zoxoro.com.au, $124.99
Han Solo frozen-in-carbonite fridge
This one's going to be difficult to ship into Australia but, like the Death Star kitchen timer, where there's a will there's a way and eBay. It won't carbon freeze (have you seen what they're charging for tibanna gas on Bespin these days?) but it will store 18 cans of beer, so you can enjoy a cold Hahn solo* after a hard day shooting womp rats.
Han Solo fridge, thinkgeek.com.au $USD 159.99 ($220)
Space Slug oven mitt
"This is no cave!". A long time ago in an online store far, far away … this oven mitt was available for purchase and sold out quick sticks. I still regret not buying one so feel free to email me immediately if you see ever see one for sale – preferably not second hand.
USS Enterprise pizza cutter
Trekkies, you haven't been forgotten either. As a bonus extra, have this Starship Enterprise pizza cutter. It might be my favourite item on this page and I don't even care for the franchise that much (except for Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan, which is objectively excellent).
Star Trek Enterprise Pizza Cutter, thinkgeek.com, $USD 29.99 ($41)
*I'm sorry. I tried. I really, really tried to avoid writing that but my fingers slipped on the keyboard and it just happened.